


A Disgraced Mrs. Butterworth

by thetoastlives



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, M/M, Syrup, copious mentions of taint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 17:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1752515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetoastlives/pseuds/thetoastlives
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco is very drunk, and for some reason has maple syrup on his taint.  Jean is a good friend/roommate/boyfriend and takes care of him, kind of.  Reiner loses a pair of shorts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Disgraced Mrs. Butterworth

Marco was significantly less drunk and significantly more naked than he was pretending to be.  Jean was ignoring him significantly less that he was pretending to be.  Connie is pretty neutrally passed out on the couch.

“Jeaaaan”

Marco pushes the frog in his throat a little more than he actually felt, eyes closed heavily and he snickers as Jean grunts and shoves him up more on his shoulder.

“Where the fuck are your pants, Marco?”

 _Why did you take them off, Marco? Why are your balls shaved, Marco? Why do you have syrup on your taint, Marco?_ Jean was full of questions.  Marco giggles and pinches a bit of his arm and doesn’t feel guilty in the slightest.

“Up your mom’s _butt_ , nerd”

Marco thinks he’s hilarious.  Jean sighs heavily, pushing him up on the counter.

“Remind me again why the oh so gracious designated driver is also the designated taint wiper?”

Marco snickers and crosses his legs.  He’s being difficult.

“You ain’t touchin my taint I’m gonna catch _honeys_ with my _honey_ ”

“Marco you literally cannot be serious right now.”

Marco snickers again and Jean huffs at him and crosses his arms.

“Marco you’re a grown ass man with maple syrup on your taint.”

“Aren’t I beautiful?”

Jean huffs again but Marco’s adorable when he’s drunk and irrational.  He says the weirdest shit, and apparently does the weirdest shit.  

“Why did you put syrup on taint?”

Marco pushes his lips forward like he’s nine.  Maybe he is as drunk as he was acting, because he suddenly feels pretty naked.  Logic.

“Dunno.”

Jean huffs for a third time and puts his hand on his forehead.

“I was gonna fucking wipe your ass for you with a paper towel but I might just let you wake up with crusty syrup on your taint thinking you got the first weirdest fucking strain of chlamydia ever, you know.”

Marco whines and Jean pulls his arm.  Marco follows and clings to him, and he knows Jean thinks its cause he can’t walk and he wants to leave it at that.

“Hush”

Marco bops Jean’s nose and giggles some more.  Jean is thinking maybe his best friend here needs a shower, and so he starts dragging him to the bathroom.  Jean has been to Connie’s house a few more times than Marco, and so Marco is blindsided by sudden steam and then Jean removing his shirt.  He blushes and lightly smacks Jean’s pec and smiles coyly.

“What’re you doin’, Jean? Naughty, naughty!”

Marco ticks his finger softly out of time and Jean makes another huffy sigh and shoves the naked Marco into the shower seat.

“Clean off your junk, asshole, come on.  I’m tired, we need to get home and you aren’t getting butt syrup on my seat.”

“ _BUTT SYRUP_ ”

This is where Marco starts laughing hysterically in the steam of the shower, but lifts his legs and the syrup melts off his dumb hairless butt.  Jean makes sure not to look over, except the few times it sounds like Marco managed to choke on a shampoo bottle or something (and don’t even ask Jean why the hell Connie has shampoo, Jesus).

Marco gives Jean a drawn out, squeaky “Done” and then Jean comes in, eyes covered bashfully because he’s a giant virgin, and shuts off the water.  Marco grabs his wrist wetly and Jean looks over at the naked dumb Marco grinning up at him.  Another huffy sigh from the Jean.

“Can you dry yourself off? I’m going to go find your pants.”

When Jean returns- with Reiner’s basketball shorts, because Marco’s khakis were next to him covered in syrup, with a disgraced Mrs. Butterworth nestled therein- Marco is dry, with his shirt on inside out.  He catches Marco trying to lick the label poking into his chin, and sighs more huffingly.  Jean is damn huffy tonight.

“Silly Jeanbo, wrong pants”

“They’re Reiner’s”

Jean tosses them over and conveniently doesn’t mention the “Jeanbo”. Marco accepts the reply and pulls on Reiner’s shorts.  They’re fucking _huge_ on him, and Jean has to cover his mouth.

“What’s that, Jean?”

Marco cocks his head like a dumb puppy, and Jean starts snickering.

“It’s nothing, seriously Marco just- Let’s just go home, come on.

Reiner never got his shorts back.

 

 


End file.
